5 Steps to Creating Space for Disagreement
Iron sharpens iron. Proverbs 27:17 is one of the most quoted Scriptures I can think of, but yet one of the least practiced. The whole idea of this passage is the premise that two sharp objects are pushed against each other both objects will only get sharper. Another way to say this is with one word: Disagreement.
Disagreement is one of those things that makes a team better. It gives them permission to grow, and challenge the status quo. If you are a leader that doesn’t enjoy disagreement you’ll soon find yourself with no one to lead.
However, the challenging part is the fine line between healthy disagreement and toxic complaining. With that in mind, I thought I would share five ways that you can promote a culture of healthy disagreement in your organization:
1. Love. I know, sounds cheesy, but approaching the team with love is one of the most foundational aspects of creating healthy disagreement. You don’t necessarily have to love the person, but you do have to love the mission. You have to love the outcome and the work it will take to get there. Another way of saying this is that you have to be concerned with the posture of your heart. Also, I don’t recommend engaging in healthy disagreement if your heart isn’t in the right place.
2. Listen without malicious intent. Okay, so this is an important one: I don't believe you can create sacred space if you are listening with the intent of telling the other person why they are wrong. And I don't know about you, but I do that all the time. We have to learn to listen with our whole person and without the intention of simply rebutting their point of view. Listen with an open mind, and not malicious intent. If you can begin to practice this exercise it will create a natural space for the conversation to grow.
3. Set expectations. Go into the conversation without the intent of conversion. Often times we disagree and expect the person on the other side of the table to become a believer in the plan. Honestly, that may take a long time. I don’t need them to love the plan, I just need the person to hear me out. For most teams, once we can get to the idea of the best idea is the way forward, we can move on from there. I know I always want the person I’m arguing with to all of a sudden agree with me, but that rarely happens!
4. Agree to be okay with disagreement before the conversation. This is a culture-building block of healthy organizations. The best teams are really okay with disagreement and they almost promote it. They want the best ideas to go forward, and so creating a culture that promotes disagreement changes the atmosphere of the room.
5. Give space for each other to breathe. The best conversations have lots of intentional pauses and reflections. This one is hard for me because I have lots to stay, but the truth is we can be okay in silence. I used to have a Kindergarten teacher who said, "Think before you speak." In today's reactionary world this might be more important than ever before. It can't be a sacred space if there is no space, to begin with.
As a leader you will oftentimes be the tone-setter for this type of discussion. Do you put a stop to it? Do you encourage it? Are you okay with it?
Doing a little self-evaluation is a good thing when it comes to conversations like this, it gives you the ability to walk in and admit you may need the help. Disagreement is a gift that really does sharpen the team, we just have to create the space!